Where to live? Who to live with? What to do? Who am I? These are some of the questions that plague our Freshman Year of Life (which, bear with me, is what I’m calling the first year after graduating). These days, anytime I speak to a fellow twenty-two year old, the conversation dials in pretty quickly into our living situations, specifically how who we live with and where we live affects our happiness. Gone are the days of random roommates. Now, the big question seems to be whether we should move back in with our parents after graduation, and everyone seems to have an opinion on that decision.
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There are opposing schools of thought when it comes to the ideal post-grad living situation. Some are fans of the FRIENDS model. My cousin, for example, lives with four other twenty-somethings in a messy, buzzing apartment that’s not so different from college. I have another best friend who’s living alone for the first time. She tells me: “Every woman should live alone at least once in her life.” According to her, it’s important to become comfortable spending time alone and remaining independent after graduation.
Then, there’s living at home. This, I think, is the prospect that elicits the most wide-ranging of reactions. Some people tell me they would absolutely never move back in with their families. I imagine these people think inviting a work friend over must lead to awkward introductions in which they’re forced to say: “Hey! Meet my roommates Carol and Sean, they’re in their mid-fifties and married. They’re also my parents and you’re currently standing in my childhood home.”
Others say living at home is the best decision they ever made, and that the benefits are plentiful—quality time with family, comfort, less financial stress… the list goes on.
Of course everyone has to consider the following factors: if you can commute from home to work, if you can work remotely at home, if you have a healthy relationship with your parents, whether or not your sibling already converted your childhood bedroom into a “hangout space.”
However, if living at home is something you’re genuinely considering, I’ve talked to people across the board and these are what seem to be the the pros and cons:
The pros of living at home
- No paying rent (and also the place comes fully furnished!)
- Never having to think about meals.
- Built in socializing with parents and/or siblings.
The cons of living at home
- Awkward to march to the beat of your own drum over the rhythm of your parent’s drum which they have been drumming for twenty-five years and no of course we’re not eating dinner at 8 pm this is Westchester not Ibiza.
- Can’t have friends or More Than Friends over without feeling surveilled.
- Feeling out-of-step with other twenty-somethings.
The last bullet point is the one I hear about the most often and it makes me think of the following:
A college friend once told me that her therapist told her… that any time we make a decision we give something up. If you live with a significant other, you’re giving up time with friends. If you live with friends, you’re sacrificing time alone. If you live alone, you might be spending more money, and if you live at home, you’re giving up some autonomy.
So to my fellow members of Life’s Freshman Class, take my college friend’s therapist’s advice and try your best to just make a decision and run with it. None of us- not you, nor I (even though, ironically, I’m writing in the style of an advice column) know anything about anything right now, and if you’ve made it this far.
Mom? Sorry what was that? Ok, lights out, got it.
I’m kidding, I’m kidding… but speaking of moms, mine always tells me that everyone is too busy thinking about themselves to be thinking about you anyways. So in terms of whether or not you should live at home, I think the answer is truly to just do whatever is best for you.