Disciplining children is one of the most challenging aspects of parenting, and every parent inevitably faces moments of frustration. While it’s crucial to maintain structure and boundaries, it’s easy to fall into certain traps that can undermine the effectiveness of discipline. According to the experts at Parents.com, here are seven common mistakes parents make when disciplining their children and tips for avoiding them.
Scolding your child in public
As an adult, you don’t probably don’t like people to “scold” you in public, neither does your child. While it’s natural to feel frustrated, scolding your child in public can have negative effects on children, including heightened anxiety or fear. Instead of promoting respect, it can cause children to become defensive or tune out.
“…avoid disciplining your child in front of other people. When you do that, they may be more focused on who’s overhearing the conversation than on what you’re trying to teach them,” says Erica Reischer, PhD, author of What Great Parents Do: 75 Simple Strategies for Raising Kids Who Thrive.
Inconsistency
One of the biggest mistakes is inconsistency in rules and consequences. When parents change their minds or apply rules unevenly, children become confused about what’s expected. Consistency is key to helping children understand the consequences of their actions and fosters a sense of security.
Giving your child vague instructions
Children thrive when they know what is expected of them. Ambiguous rules or vague instructions can leave children feeling uncertain and lead to misbehavior. Parents should set clear, age-appropriate expectations so children understand what is right and wrong.
“Make your directions as specific as possible,” advises Larissa Niec, PhD, director of Central Michigan University’s Center for Children, Families, and Communities, in Mount Pleasant.
Giving your child a bribe
Even though bribes of an extra cookie, a dollar, or whatever may accomplish whatever outcome you as the parent is hoping for in that moment, bribes are never a good thing and definitely set a bad example for the child.
“Bribing is actually rewarding a child’s bad behavior,” says Jeffrey Gardere, PhD, coauthor of Practical Parenting.
Over-Punishing
Punishments that are too severe can backfire, causing children to feel resentful rather than learn from their mistakes. It’s important for parents to choose consequences that are proportional to the behavior and focus on teaching rather than simply punishing.
Freaking out
Even though some things and moments do call for parents to “freak out,” remember that everyone is watching and your behavior is definitely modeled. Try to remain calm, cool, and collected. Freaking out only makes things worse and escalates the situation.
“Kids can’t absorb a lesson when they’re being screamed at. They either shut down or get mad in response,” says Dr. Niec.
Ignoring Positive Behavior
Disciplinary efforts often focus on correcting misbehavior, but it’s equally important to acknowledge and reward good behavior. Praise and positive reinforcement encourage children to repeat desirable actions, creating a more balanced approach to discipline.
Effective discipline is about balance. By avoiding these common mistakes, parents can build a healthier, more respectful relationship with their children, where learning from mistakes becomes part of the growing process. Keeping expectations clear, being consistent, and focusing on both positive and corrective behaviors can help foster an environment where children thrive.
To read the full list of common mistakes that parents make when disciplining their kids, click here.